"Wow. Whoa. This is some group of people. Thousands. So nice, thank you very much. That’s really nice. Thank you. It’s great to be at Gettysburg. It’s great to be in a wonderful battlefield like this. And it’s an honor to have everybody here. This is beyond anybody’s expectations. There’s been no crowd like this.
Four score and seven years ago – how many years is that? I don’t know, let’s just say it’s a lot of years — our forefathers – some of whom were losers, let’s face it – brought forth on this continent a new nation. Yes, there were Indians here already, but they had lots of problems. And they were bringing those problems to us. They were bringing drugs. They were bringing crime. They were rapists. And some, I assume, were good people.
The new nation was conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. That sounds great, but it’s just words. I’ve read the speeches of these people, and they said the sun will rise, the moon will set, all sorts of wonderful things will happen. And people are saying, “What’s going on? I just want a job. Just get me a job. I don’t need the rhetoric. I want a job.”
Now we are engaged in a great civil war — and I love the military, and I want to have the strongest military that we’ve ever had, and we need it more now than ever. But I said, “Don’t hit the South,” because you’re going to totally destabilize the country. We’ve lost thousands of lives. We have wounded soldiers, who I love, I love — they’re great — all over the place, thousands and thousands of wounded soldiers, bleeding from their eyes, bleeding from their wherever.
This war is testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. And the way things are going, I don’t think it will. Look at Europe – their leaders are much smarter than our leaders – with the exception, of course, of myself – and we can’t sustain ourselves with that. It’s like taking the Cincinnati Red Stockings and have them play your high school baseball team. That’s the difference between Europe’s leaders and our leaders in Congress. They have bridges that make the George Washington Bridge look like small potatoes. And they’re all over the place.
We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. But to be frank, it’s a bit of a dump. It actually could make a very nice golf course.
The world will hugely note and long remember what I say here, but it will probably forget what they did here. Sadly, the American dream, like these brave men, is dead. But I here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain and that government of the Donald, by the Donald, for the Donald, shall not perish from the earth.
Thank you. Thank you very much."
To listen to Mike Church's delivery (and his best Donald Trump imitation), go to this link: